A friend asked me how I was doing yesterday and I went on and on for 10 minutes about the latest sleep habits going on with Zander. I thought about it after and realized, that is what’s going on, and yes, sleep seems to be the hardest mountain I’ve ever had to climb in my life – but – is that what she asked? She asked HOW I WAS DOING. It’s so easy to forget about myself in this new equation. Is this what happens when you become a Mom?! It IS.
Having children can affect every area of our life but especially our marriage. At a time when connection is crucial, it can become practically extinct. Is it possible to stay connected? I believe it is. With a small commitment to maintaining our relationship, it is very possible to create some great memories out of little baby steps.
When my husband and I have a few moments of quality time together we have to remind ourselves at the onset – no talk about baby, work, or money. It’s the only way we can remember to creatively bring other interests and spontaneity back into our lives. Of course, we LOVE our baby, our work, and yes, money is imperative – but there is a time and a place.
Baby – I am with my amazingly beautiful, joyful, brilliant son almost 24 hours a day, every day. Would I like to talk about him all the time – yes. Should I?
Work – My husband does what he loves. He meets, works with, and develops friendships with some VERY cool people. Does that mean on our ‘date’ we should be talking about this? Maybe. But as cool as work can be in this house, we need to create boundaries.
Money – Ahhhh. Money. What I will say about money is that we have a fluctuating income and we must stay in communication about it on a regular basis. We have at least one money meeting a week, and we discuss things as they come up. That is really all there needs to be.
So what else is there?
I’ll admit, when we agree to not talk about the above topics, there can be a vacuum of silence. Kind of like, who are you? Who am I?! There’s nothing like a little awkwardness to make you feel like teenagers again.
Once we get over the hump though, we tend have some really cool conversations. Real date-night conversations. And through this, we can be reminded of why we fell in love and why we’ve created this life together.
So what’s left to talk about? There are a million other things, really. If it’s not coming naturally, here’s a few sparks to get you going.
5 Conversation Starters for New Parents
1. Think of what you first fell in love with about your partner, start sharing. Ask him what he first fell in love with about you. Even if you’ve had this conversation before, it’s always nice.
2. Envision together. Talk about what your dream home looks like, or your next vacation – don’t let the confines of time, money, or reality get in the way of this fun visual conversation.
3. Find Favorites – favorite holiday, favorite book, favorite leader – and ask why.
4. Good Question: What is the most adventurous thing you have ever done? Or would like to do someday.
5. Great Question: What would you like people to remember about you after you’re gone?
BONUS: There’s always the classic, “If you could have dinner with anyone, living or not, who would it be?”
The next time someone asks “how’s it going” …. let’s remember to shift our focus from our baby. Answering honestly if we are tired or hormonal, joyful, or whatever applies to where we are at personally. And then maybe, just maybe, we can think of some other, more self-indulgent, inspiring, and creative conversation. I’m going to try.