“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow a mystery. Today is a gift, that’s why we call it the present.”
There was one thing I knew years before Zander was conceived, throughout my pregnancy, and now, since he’s been here with us. The one thing through it all that has stayed strong and clear is that all Zander (or any child) needs is our presence.
It first occurred to me when my (now 17 and 13 year old) nephews were very young. I watched my mom spend time with them and she was so present, letting them play independently but she was really WITH them. It sounds easy, so much so that you’d think it was common. As far as I can tell though, it’s not. It’s rare to see, and to witness it is a beautiful thing. It resonates so deeply as being truth to me and how I want to show up as a parent.
I notice if I get frustrated because Zander is fussing or not going with the flow, it’s always because I’m trying to do other things. I’m resisting what is. I’m resisting what is right in front of me thinking other things are more important. My schedule, my tasks, my conversation, my needs. It’s because he could care less about my flow, he’s trying to tell me, “Mommy, I need you” …he needs me to go with HIS flow. When it seems like the hardest thing to do because there’s a million other things we NEED to do, remember this quote by Natural Mother Magazine… “You’re raising a human being, not an inconvenience.”
It’s not that our little babies aren’t important to us.
It’s nearly impossible to go anywhere and not see people on their phones. We’re a busy society. A non-stop society. A smartphone addicted society.
It’s my opinion that to raise healthy, secure, confident human beings – they need, desire, and deserve our presence. It’s a challenge with our smartphones and Facebook and texting, it’s hard. There’s a wonderful blog, Hands Free Mama that may shed some more light on this. What I know is that babies thrive not so much on our playing with them or entertaining them but by our being with them and simply being present. That’s it.
As a mom, what am I giving and teaching to Zander? How am I creating a peaceful, loving, calm environment? It seems most helpful to him if I am with him, present to his unfolding and evolution, to just be, not to do. I’ve had wise teachers tell me along my path, as it’s a hard one for me…
“You are a human being, not a human doing.”
I get to practice this full game now. I really have the opportunity to step up my life, my own experience. If I’m raising a human being (not an inconvenience), what exactly does that mean to me? It means – ask him what his flow is, what does he need in the moment, what can I do to listen to him? It’s best for him to have me witness and acknowledge him.
Read more thoughts and tips on How to Be Present with your little ones.